Why Do Black Women Hate Their Kinky Hair?

Practically every woman that has ever sat in my styling chair is convinced something is wrong with her hair. It doesn’t matter if the woman is black, white, Latina or any other culture. Almost immediately I hear how each woman somehow dislikes her natural hair texture.

My client might describe her hair as being just “too curly”, “too straight”, “too thin”, “too thick”, “too short”, or too what-ever-else. Next comes the phrase “ I want my hair to be like her hair, over there. Her hair is absolutely perfect!”

In my years of experience as a hairstyist, I can tell you the grass always seems to be greener on the other side of the fence. But believe me, since I sit on the middle of the fence, on both sides of the fence everyone pretty much hates her own hair. Since that is the case, this means then that the “perfect hair” just doesn’t exist.

I say though, that the problem is not the in the hair, it’s in the head.

This is especially true of my clients that are black women, myself included. When we were kids, my sister and I would sometimes wrap towels around our heads so we could have “ imaginary” hair that hung all the way down our backs that could swing. We’d twirl around and around pretending we were white girls.Looking back I realized the effect, one of my favorite TV shows then, the Brady Bunch, was really having on me. I still remember the episode when Marsha Brady had to brush her long, blond hair 100 strokes before going to bed. I still remember thinking to myself “ Wow! Her hair must be really special if she has to brush it with a special brush so many times every night!” It was all about “Marsha, Marsha, Marsha”. And I knew very well that getting my hair done was anything but a luxurious and pleasant “princess experience” like Marsha Brady’s. I dreaded the hairbrush, especially if it was attached to my mothers’ hand.

Nothing is wrong with straight hair or coarse, kinky, curly or nappy hair. It just is what it is, that’s all.
But from early childhood I believe little black girls begin to learn a very subtle message about their hair texture, which could chip away at their self-esteem.

The media is not solely responsible for affecting the way we see ourselves, it usually starts right at home.
For many black mothers their approach to shampooing, combing, braiding, pressing or “fixing” their daughter’s hair is often an unpleasant and painful time. Little girls see the looks of disapproval or the frowns on their mother faces, as they approach with the comb, brush and hair grease. Little girls hear the sighs and moans, the“cussing”, and the “Lord-have-mercy-if-you-don’t-sit-still ” as they yank, pull and tug at the “unruly” hair that just won’t seem to cooperate.

To add to it all, are the other negative phrases frustrated moms tend to say without thought. Some negatively refer to their child’s hair as: “this stuff”, or as being “bad hair”, “too much to deal with”, “ so nappy and knotty”, or “a tangled mess”.  If that is what you experience as a young girl on a regular basis whenever it’s time to get your hair combed, what is an impressionable mind going to think?
I believe this is where the hair issues begin in the African-American community for countless little girls. They start believing that something is wrong with their lovely locks, tresses and curls. And many will further internalize all the negativity and unconsciously begin to adopt the thinking that “something must be wrong with me”.

As an African-American hairstylist, I’ve decided to use Straight To The Root as my way of building up black women’s self-esteem, one strand at a time. Also I will expose the lies and cultural myths that many African-American women have grown to accept about their hair. I intend to educate and inspire as many black women as possible to accept and love who we are, as we are.